but it is christmas and how can you mind not wander into the past? early on christmas was always that special time of the year kids can barely stand to live through. everything wrapped up and you just can't peek. my brothers and i would always look for where mom hid the presents then, would get upset when we found them because we killed the surprise. but we had our routine. my brothers and i would ride in the car to go see christmas lights (do we have to call them holiday lights now?) but we'd always have to go back and pick up my sister.

she had to brush her teeth, you see.

you ever look back on certain points of your life and wonder how you were smart enough to breathe on your own? my mom and sister were in on it and she'd put the presents out during that little sneak attack and we never seemed to catch on. well, eventually we did because we learn the secret of santa.

kinda a buzzkill, you know? for those of you that don't know, i won't say it here.  : )

speaking of holiday lights, how come we've gotten so "soft" that we can't say merry christmas without offending someone? for 200+ years we died for our rights and beliefs and now we're giving it all back to simply be courteous to others. well if they were being courteous back we'd not have to genericize our faith and traditions any more than we ask others to. last i checked, we don't.

religion to me is faith in something and I won't go into all that the "something" could be. we each have our own but more importantly, the traditions we carry forward show our faith. i see no reason to change the name so people don't feel infringed upon. lord knows i don't say "merry christmas" to upset people. so why does it? if that offends you maybe YOU need to figure out why and find some security in your own faith because it certainly isn't an attack on yours.

anyway - that's a rant for another time. the snow outside is starting to look like a million white butterflies going by and it's crazy. you see, this is my weather, in a strange way the snow can keep me warm at times because it just feels like home.  if i lived in an igloo it would be like that sure, but then i don't think i'd feel the same way, so i'm sure i'd get sick of it like anyone else.

so where does my snow fascination come from? probably because i so rarely saw it growing up. we'd get killer ice storms in texas sometimes. i remember a trip with my dad one thanksgiving to dallas from paris (high school time) and a SERIOUS ice storm dropped out of nowhere. i'm sure it actually took time to develop like anything but i felt the need to be a tad dramatic and besides, i *do* remember it that way. but the ice was like a thick skin on tree branches, power lines and the like.

so here we sit, christmas 2009 upon us. while i've got so many happy times to remember it was only 3 years ago when my mother and grandmother were taken from us. not a day goes by i don't remember them and wish i could talk to my mom just one more time.

one more "merry christmas" and let her know how much she meant to me and how much of her still lives in me. she was the most giving person i know with more patience than God should have ever put into 1 person. my dad is in florida now close to my sister and last year the entire family spent christmas at his new home in apopka. that's always going to be a special christmas too.

this year is just sit at home and do some cleaning. write a story or two. decide what new years resolution i'm going to beat the shit out of next year. but for today, it's christmas eve and it's snowing.

merry christmas everyone.